


Long Time Gone

by killerweasel



Series: A Favor [7]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-09
Updated: 2013-11-09
Packaged: 2017-12-31 23:09:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1037489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killerweasel/pseuds/killerweasel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charlie returns to Philly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Long Time Gone

Title: Long Time Gone  
Fandom: Pacific Rim/It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia  
Characters: Charlie Kelly, cast of It's Always Sunny, Scientist  
Word Count: 2,100  
Rating: R  
A/N: AU after the events of Pacific Rim, Flowers For Charlie  
Warnings: n/a  
A/N: This is for [feriowind](http://feriowind.tumblr.com)  
Summary: Charlie returns to Philly.

Charlie stumbled through the door to Harper's apartment. He'd made it halfway across the living room before he managed to trip on the coffee table, sending books everywhere. He let out a yelp as his knee collided with the floor. "Ow, damn it." Charlie covered his eyes with his hand as the overhead light turned on. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."

"It's two in the morning." Harper rubbed a hand over his face as he walked over to where Charlie was sprawled on the floor. He bit his tongue as he stared at the clothes Charlie was wearing. In addition to what might have been the rattiest t-shirt Harper had ever seen, Charlie was wearing a ridiculously small pair of shorts. Charlie moved his head, causing a knot to form in Harper's stomach. "Charlie, tilt your head up." His eyes widened at the sight of dried blood. "I am going to try very hard not to jump to conclusions here, but did someone attempt to slit your throat at that blasted bar?"

"It was an accident. I think." Charlie touched his neck. "It stopped bleeding ages ago."

Harper helped Charlie sit up. "Stay there and don't move." He left the room, swearing under his breath. When he came back, he had a small ice pack, a bowl of water, a couple of small towels, and some bandages on a tray. Harper wrapped the ice pack in one of the towels and set it on Charlie's sore knee. "Hold that in place." He sighed as he dipped the other towel in the water and began to gently clean the blood from Charlie's skin.

"You smell like beer and cheese." Harper's nose wrinkled. "And possibly roast pork?"

"Mac tried out the samuari sword I brought him on food from the party and I got hit with what he chopped up." Charlie grinned. "That part was awesome. See, he's not really great at the whole karate thing, but he thinks he is. You should have seen all the food he didn't hit."

"Sounds like a waste of perfectly good food." Harper patted the wound on Charlie's neck dry and then tapped a piece of gauze over it. "Is he the one who did that?" He gestured at Charlie's neck.

"Mac? No, that was Frank."

Harper's face darkened. "I really don't like that man."

"He's not a fan of yours either." Charlie touched the gauze on his throat. "I think it would be a good idea if the two of you stayed as far away from each other as possible."

The look on Charlie's face made Harper bite back whatever comments were threatening to come out. Instead, he helped Charlie to his feet. "I'll get some plastic to cover the bandage and then you're going to take a shower. You are not getting into bed smelling like a roast pig that's been bathed in beer."

Charlie sniffed himself. "Roast pig, smothered in beer, with just a hint of cheese." He laughed. "I had fun tonight. Well, other than the 'getting stabbed in the neck' part."

"Tell me about it once you're clean."

\---

_3 hours earlier_

Charlie adjusted the box in his hands, hoping he wouldn't drop everything before he got into the bar. He frowned at how dark it was. Then the lights came on and everyone yelled 'Welcome Home, Charlie!'. The bar was filled with people. He didn't recognize half of them, they were probably there to eat free food and drink, but everyone seemed to be happy to see him. He quickly found himself surrounded by his friends. "Wow, you guys threw me a party?"

"Of course we did, Charlie." Dee grinned at him. "We haven't seen you in almost two years." She looked at the box. "You brought us presents? He brought us presents!"

"Everyone out! All you moochers and losers get out!" Frank waved his arms around, stomping through the bar. When people didn't move fast enough, Dennis and Mac joined in, hissing and spitting.

Once the place had emptied, Charlie got to see the decorations. It looked like Frank was finally getting his luau. In one corner of the room, a roast pig was rotating slowly over a flaming trashcan. In another corner, Charlie could see tables loaded with all the things he loved to eat. There were full blocks of cheese and behind it was his favorite food in the world. "You guys got me milk-steak!"

"Food later, presents now." Mac bounced on the balls of his feet. "What you get us?"

Charlie was a little worried how his friends would react to the gifts. He'd wanted to get something small and cheap, but Hannibal had shook his head, muttering something about 'you're going to get your friends good shit' before helping Charlie pick things out. Hannibal listened to Charlie describe everyone and then they'd gone on a shopping trip. Well, more of a 'wander around places Hannibal owned and get things for free' trip. Because Hannibal knew a guy who could get things into the United States without any problems, everything had been shipped to Harper's apartment.

"Frank, this is for you." Charlie grabbed a large container of white pills. He turned it so everyone could see the label. "You know those pills made out of Kaiju bone powder that guys use? There are two hundred pills in this. Hannibal said you can do whatever you want with them, just don't say where they came from."

"Wait a second." Frank grabbed the pills from Charlie. "Are you saying the Hannibal you've been staying with is the same Hannibal who sells Kaiju Remedies products?"

"Yeah?" Charlie knew the pills didn't actually work, but he wasn't about to tell Frank that. Hannibal said the phrase 'results may vary' was enough to keep people from being able to file a lawsuit.

"You remember the mob guys Mac tried to join up with? Hannibal Chau makes them look like amateurs." Frank clutched the pills to his chest. "He's basically the biggest crime lord in all of Hong Kong. That's who you work for?" Charlie nodded. "You stay on his good side, Charlie. I might want to get more of these pills later. Depends on how much I can sell them for."

"Here, Dennis." Charlie handed over a large, flat clothing box. "I hope you like this."

Dennis' eyes widened as he opened the box. "You got me a leather duster?" He set the box to the side while he took his shirt off. Then he put on the black duster. It was a perfect fit. "Thanks, Charlie!"

"I wasn't really sure what you'd like, Dee, so I got you two things." Charlie gave her a plastic container with small vials in it. "Those are Kaiju skin creams. Make sure you follow the directions because if you use too much, your skin will end up peeling off and not in a good way." The creams were one of the few things that actually did what Hannibal claimed. However, they were made from skin parasite poop and had nothing to do with Kaiju at all. Charlie decided to keep that information to himself.

Dee squealed in delight. "Check it out, bitches, I am going to have the best skin in Philly." She twirled around in a circle. "What's my other present?" Charlie held out a very small box. Dee gasped as she opened it up. "Look, it's a necklace in the shape of a Kaiju. I think his name was Turtleface Mc-Fucks-You-Up."

"Mac, I saved the best for last." Charlie carefully pulled out a long, wooden box and set it on the bar. "From what the guy at the shop was saying, this thing is hundreds of years old. It belonged to some big time warrior back in the day."

Mac opened the lid and blinked at the contents. "Oh... my... god." He lifted a katana with two dragons carved into the handle out of the box. Taking a few steps back, he gave it a swing. "This thing is perfectly balanced, Charlie. I bet the warrior dude killed hundreds of people with it." He moved around the bar, going into various stances and swinging the sword around.

"When you come home tonight, we can play Nightcrawlers." Frank smiled at Charlie. "I finally paid to have some guy fix the bathroom too. You can use the toilet instead of the jars and cans now, Charlie."

"Yeah, about that." Charlie ran a hand through his hair. He looked in every direction other than where Frank was standing. "I'm living with Harper while I'm back."

"Harper?" Frank's smile had vanished. He set the pills down on a barstool. "I don't know any Harper."

Charlie jumped backward as Mac swung the sword just a little too close for comfort. Mac stuck the sword back in the box. "You guys remember the scientist who gave me those pills?" The look on Frank's face made Charlie take another step back. "That's Harper."

"Let me see if I'm hearing you correctly, Charlie. You'd rather live with Science Bitch than me?" Frank lunged sideways, pulling the katana from the box and causing everyone to back away. He pointed the sword at Charlie. "He tricked you. He made you think you were something you weren't. And you're living with this guy? What about us? We're the Gruesome Twosome!"

"Harper's a nice guy, Frank. We were friends even before I had to go live in Hong Kong." He sucked in a breath as Frank came closer. The point of the sword was only inches from his chest now. "I don't want any of you calling him Science Bitch either. That's not his name."

"It has to be a scheme." Frank took another step closer, bringing the sword up so it was almost touching Charlie's throat. "Nobody is nice just for the sake of being nice."

"You're wrong, Frank." Charlie felt rage building up in his chest. His hands clenched into fists. "Harper likes me. He makes me spaghetti. He even made me a milk-stake once. It tasted horrible, but I ate it anyway. He gets me ice cream when I've had a bad day. We do science together and he's shown me all kinds of neat things to do with magnets. He understands my writing. He's smart and amazing and he likes me just the way I am!"

Charlie's sudden burst of anger startled Frank, causing him to jerk his arm sideways. The tip of the sword caught Charlie in the throat, cutting a shallow gash in his skin. For a moment, no one moved. Then Mac wrestled the sword away from Frank while Dee took napkins from a nearby table and pressed them against Charlie's throat.

"Whoa." Charlie blinked a couple of times. "That sword is really sharp."

Dennis bumped Frank with his hip. "Frank, I think we should all call it a night, don't you? It's all fun and games until someone gets their throat slit. Charlie probably has jetlag from his trip anyway, right Charlie?"

"Uh... right." Charlie pulled the napkins away from his neck. "Is it still bleeding?"

Dee squinted at the wound. "It's kinda oozing. I wouldn't worry about it. You've had worse." Picking up her presents, she walked to the door. "Anyone who wants a ride needs to come now. I'm only being nice for the next two minutes, then you guys are on your own."

Frank and Dennis followed her outside, leaving Mac and Charlie alone. Mac checked the wound on Charlie's neck. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Charlie stared at the food on the table. "You want to cut things with that sword?"

"I was just waiting for you to say the word." Mac picked the sword up and walked halfway across the room. "You throw it and I'll cut it."

\---

"Did you really say all those things about me?" Harper propped his head up with his hand, giving Charlie a grin.

"Of course I did." Charlie started to scratch his throat, winced, and scratched his head instead. "Mac wants to hang out with us tomorrow night. I was thinking maybe we could go to the restaurant up the street from the bar, you know, the one you took me to when you wanted to make up for not paying me after the experiment. Then maybe we can all go to this wrestling tournament afterward. They use barbed wire and chairs and stuff."

"I don't see why not." Flopping back onto his pillow, Harper closed his eyes. "I'm glad you had fun tonight, Charlie."

"Me too. It's nice to be home."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [crowtoed](http://crowtoed.tumblr.com) & [so-i-did-this-thing](http://so-i-did-this-thing.tumblr.com) for coming up with the name 'Turtleface Mc-Fucks-You-Up'.


End file.
